Erin,
...since we started I've been the one doing the whole bedtime and middle of the night routine. I think I have chosen to go this route because I feel that if I'm doing it I can control how it goes, and if my husband is involved it might not go the same, he's not as patient as i am- I don't want him to mess up all the work I've put into it. At this point do you think he should try? Of course Hayden would rather deal with me and he has an infatuation with playing with my hair. So maybe he would give up and go to sleep earlier if he's not dealing with me??? I just don't want to back track.
What do you think?
Thanks again!
Joanna
What a great and timely question as we approach Valentine’s Day.
A common complaint I hear from women is that, “I have to do it all myself!”
Yet, I set it up that way because I have faith in my efficiency and conviction in my goals.
I look back on when I first fell in love. Devoted to my man and our relationship, I had confidence that we would take on the world, side by side, hand in hand. Then, I woke up one day to find that the love of my life had a thought process that conflicted with mine, and self-assurance which left me competing. I was suddenly tripping over his sweet quirky ways that were once so endearing. To regain my balance I forged ahead in my determination, assuming he would follow. Instead, he honored my resolve and observed my competence from the comfort of our couch.
In answer to your question, it might be easier for you to continue the bedtime routine on your own, but in doing so you lose a valuable asset---your partner.
You benefit from trusting that your husband is capable and loving, even when his approach is different. Chances are, he too, wants Hayden to go down without a struggle, and to sleep through the night. Encouragement will go much further than belittling his effort.
Discussions that you share regarding your son’s well-being are important. They should happen when the moment is calm, and you have the time to set objectives and brainstorm solutions. It helps if you have similar ideals, but regardless, you should back one another’s intent with open-mindedness, patience, and compromise.
When you work together as a team, the boundaries are cohesive, minimizing the chance that your child will manipulate the situation by pitting one parent against the other. The real winner in this will be Hayden, who may one day become a daddy himself!
What a great gift, to offer yourselves as role models, and a wonderful opportunity to impress upon him the true meaning of family.
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